Glass and Walls
by A Silence in Winter
Summary: It's easy to see that Axel and Roxas have a strong friendship. Namine wishes she was so lucky.


**A/N:** After trying to sleep off a cold all day, I was up late writing like a maniac. I feel like this topic is a bit strained, but I just had to get it out of my system. I promise I'll write something featuring Axel and Roxas coming up.

-

**Glass and Walls**

-

These moments I watch you are long and lonely. The quiet I face is ringing so loud in my ears it hurts as it fades to white noise. I could scream, but who would hear me? I think you would, but the important part is whether or not you would come at my call.

But it's okay. I forgive you. I don't hate you for who you are. Neither one of us can help the fact that we exist, painful as it is. Looking in your eyes I can see a forbidden answer looming there, but somehow I know that you don't have the courage. This much gives me comfort. And then I remember a crucial point.

Where is this courage coming from? Your bravery isn't spontaneous, as some people would like to believe. That mistake is easily made, I'll admit. When you are only a shadow, it's easy to relate you to your origin.

By contrast, it's not easy to separate you two. I can do that, though. Because I have seen the things in his head and I have been by the edge of your bloodshed. They aren't mirror copies. Gruesome as they are, they conflict with one another. It's not easy to peg you or me as anyone one thing, but if I could, I know what it would be.

What would you call me, I wonder?

Certainly not the same by which you call _him_. Now this might sound nasty and mean, but I beg of you to not take it that way. Like I said, he can see you for something whole and beautiful just as I can. I'll be the first to admit I am jealous. Of you both. Because you reciprocate his feelings.

I don't have a hand to hold.

I am stark and lonely as I stand without a partner. When you say _friend_ his image bubbles in your head. When I say that very same word I would like to see your face, but I don't. All I see is darkness. It scares me. It really does.

I'm not asking you to abandon all that you have built up. That would be too much. I understand that for a Nobody, it is difficult to create an identity, and even then you know its fake, as does everyone else. We all know that this persona you've enlisted is just something to cover that bare body of yours. You're not supposed to have emotions. We all know this. So, why do we try so hard?

Why can I say I am jealous? Why can I feel an ache in my chest when I see you with him? Why do I long to take his place?

It doesn't make sense. But when I see you two side-by-side, I want to cry, especially knowing that you want to give it all away. I hear it in what you say and see it in what you do. This vacancy you have is new. You have always been distant, but now more than ever I feel you wishing for wings.

The sad part is that I would change places with you in the heartbeat I do not have. You, the lucky little boy, has someone who cares so much for him, someone who would die for him. I cannot say as much.

The last time someone said that they would protect me into eternity and back it was because I shattered his memories and put them together again like a macabre mosaic. They were all wrong and to make them right again I had to disappear completely from his knowledge.

Call this a lament, but I want you to know that you are important to me. I know you already have a dear friend, but let me say that when I see you smile, it makes me do the same. I am happy because some rays of sunshine have reached you in your dark place.

Yes, it does hurt that I am not the one that made you smile. Yes, it does hurt that he is sitting next to you cracking jokes. Yes, I wish with ever fiber of my being that it was me. But I'm okay because so long as you are happy, I will count my blessings and see how truly rich I am in only knowing you, Roxas

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all associated characters belong to Disney and Square Enix. I own nothing.


End file.
